Ballet

It's very quiet here this morning. I usually sleep in a bit on Sundays since we don't have church until 1 pm, but this morning I woke up around 6:30 and found myself tossing and turning and unable to get back to sleep. That could be because I'm so sore from this weekend's activities. No, not preparing for the movie. I performed in a dance recital. Yes, you read that right. Me, in a costume, on stage, in front of people. Surprisingly, I really wasn't nervous at this recital like I was at the first two I performed in. In fact, I found it odd that I didn't really feel nervous at all, other than the last couple of minutes before the curtain went up for our first piece. I don't know if it was because I knew that this was probably my last chance to do something like this (who knows if I'll be able to find a studio with adult classes at my skill level in Virginia...), or what. But I wasn't nervous. (Thank goodness for prayer!)

All week long I had been reviewing the steps in my head as I went about my various activities, but even as late as Thursday night I was struggling to remember the order of the steps in our tap routine. I finally got them. We performed three numbers (one of them twice) at dress rehearsal on both Friday and Saturday -- one en pointe, one ballet, and one tap. It was fun and I cried and cried when it was over (in the car on the way home) because it was over and I will miss this part of my life and the wonderful friends I have made through it. Either my daughters or I have been going to Ms. Patricia's School of Dance and Gymnastics almost every year since we moved here 12 years ago. Patricia is one of the sweetest people I know. Brie started taking tumbling there again this spring and will take a "summer fun" tumbling series there this summer. This year, after some personal struggles, I thought I was going to have to give up my beloved ballet classes but Patricia came to me and said that she just wouldn't let me quit and she knew how much I needed those Monday night dance classes and she made it possible for me to continue to dance. I am forever grateful for that. And my teacher, Ms. Beth -- oh, how I love her. She has been my teacher, my therapist, counselor, example, friend, and one of the most giving and kind people I know. Even as she struggled with severe health problems earlier this year and had to cancel classes for a month, she always had a smile on her face and strong, strong faith. I love how she ended each class with a prayer, all of us in a circle holding hands as she said a prayer of gratitude and prayed for whatever needs individual class members had at the time. She is so sweet and I will miss her. I am planning to meet with her a few times this summer so she can help me choreograph a barre workout that I can do at home (did you know most kitchen counters are the right height to be used as a subsitute barre?) so I can at least keep up my basic ballet, pointe, and tap skills.

I really don't know how to explain why I love dance so much. One thing I like is that it is exercise but it doesn't feel like regular exercise. I can't explain that...I know it sounds silly. It is a very disciplined art...controlled movements requiring exact placement and movements. I think, honestly, it can take a lifetime to truly master it. But there is something very freeing in movement that is so controlled. As I focus my mind on muscle control, posture, feeling the rhythm of the music, body position, and movement, all of my other cares and concerns flee and for that hour and a half all I feel is joy -- really, that's the best way I can describe it. Joy. The endorphins at the end help, too! I am usually sore at the end but it's a good kind of sore. And I am definitely sore today!!! I ache all over -- especially my feet -- but it is a good feeling. The kind of feeling where you know you accomplished something wonderful.

I am not comfortable having my family watch me dance. I think that makes them unhappy, but really, I dance for ME -- solely for ME. I know that is selfish. But if they are there (and I know because they were at my first recital), I am worried about not messing up and wanting to be perfect for them and it changes the experience for me. I lose that inner focus on the dance and movements and the motion and the joy. For my Christmas recital this year, I didn't even tell them when/where the recital was! I finally broke down and told Mark yesterday morning when/where the recital was (he knew it was yesterday but that's all he knew) but told him that he didn't have to come, and if he did come, I did NOT want to know about it in advance. Crazy? Maybe. But when I dance, even though there are other people in the class and in the performance, I selfishly dance just for me and for what it does for me personally.

So yesterday, I asked one of the girls in my class to take a picture as we were warming up so that I could prove to everyone that I really did put on a costume and perform. She took the picture with my phone and I posted in to Facebook. One of my friends took the picture and edited it and made it really wonderful....she got rid of the people in the background and made this something beautiful that I love. And so here it is.... Yes, I'm not looking at the camera. Why? I don't know -- it just felt too posed and unnatural. I was trying to figure out what to do with my head and arms when Amber took the picture. And I like it this way.

An Update

I won't even apologize for not blogging. I have good intentions but they just don't come to pass. I'll just say that I'm feeling rather pensive this morning and thought that, perhaps, physically spilling the contents of my jumbled brain out into words might help.

My sister Melissa and her family moved away yesterday. They will now be living about 2 hours away. I know that really isn't that far, technically, but with our busy schedules I don't know that we'll see each other much. Next to Mark, Melissa is one of my closest friends. I love all three of my sisters, but for some reason Melissa and I seem to share a special bond...much like the bond I see between Andrea and Erin. Maybe it's that we have more in common...infertility, being Moms who work outside the home...maybe it's all of those summers that she spent living with us in Alaska, when we really developed a close friendship...I don't know what it is. But it's there. I was so thrilled when she and her family moved down here last summer, and I'm so sad that they're gone now.

This comes on the heals of another dear friend moving away almost seven months ago...Jenee, you know who you are! I have an easy time making "acquaintances" but a harder time making close, deep friendships. I only have a few, really, outside my family...Gena, Denise, TJ, Jamie, and Jenee. So having Jenee leave was very, very hard. I am so thrilled that she and her family are happy and enjoying life where they are, but I selfishly admit to missing her terribly. Reading books just isn't the same without her to talk with...and I miss the calm, steadying presence she is in my life, not to mention the wonderful, beautiful example that she set for me. I miss movie nights, dark chocolate, cuddling her precious little girl and just loving all four of her sweet kids, talking about books, having her help me figure out my new cell phone... And we won't even get into her being, really, a second Mom and friend (in the true, grown-up sense of the word -- a true friend) to Brienna, and how much Brie and I both miss that.

So two of my dearest friends have now moved away and left me, and right now I'm feeling rather abandoned. Alyssa is off at Governor's Honors Program, and so one of my children has also left me (although only temporarily). This is preparing me for when she leaves for college next year, I suppose. I've decided I don't want her to go away to college. I don't think I can handle it! LOL

But she's having a great time and learning wonderful things and being exposed to all kinds of fun -- like salsa dancing! She actually tried salsa dancing! And she discovered that she really enjoys computer programming -- who would have thought?! So it's an amazing, good experience for her.

Another loss in the last few months...I was released as YW President in our ward. That has been absolutely devastating. Not only did I lose the twice weekly (and sometimes more often) companionship of my precious young women, but also the sisters who served with me, and a huge chunk of my heart. It really has felt like I lost part of my identity...of who I was. It's been two months and I still feel it deeply every Sunday and Tuesday. It still feels incredibly wrong.

And one of the biggest losses of the last few months...my Granddad passed away in March. Not a day goes by that I don't think of him. Whether it's looking at Alyssa and seeing her blue eyes which remind me SO much of his...or seeing the airplanes fly overhead at work or driving by the air museum...or seeing my Dad, who reminds me so much of Granddad...or talking to Grandma Gaye...or driving by the house on the corner they used to live in and seeing the flowers and trees he and Gaye planted and the bricks they laid around the flowerbeds...

So for me, the last several months have been characterized by loss. It hasn't been fun or easy. As I posted on Facebook the other day -- I just can't take one more person leaving me. I can't do it.

I had surgery a month ago today and the "3 to 5 day recovery" took closer to 3 weeks, with continuing residual discomfort at times. And it seems that the surgery didn't solve the underlying problem, so it feels like it was a huge waste of time, money, and pain.

I think sometimes the Lord strips us down and takes away and takes away and takes away and takes away, so that He can build us back up into something better. I hope that's what's happening. I don't feel it yet, but I hope that's what's in store. Because right now it just feels like there has been a lot of taking.

That isn't to say that there haven't been wonderful things in the last several months, because there have. I got to go to Time Out For Women in Nashville with my Mom and two of my sisters...both girls continue to do well in school and sports...I got to go to New York City with my Mom and all three of my sisters and we had SO much fun...my entire family got to be together for a few days and we went to the beach (even though my brother was only there for one day)...our precious niece Aliscea's adoption was finalized and she was sealed to Bryan and Melissa last weekend...they found out that they're going to get Aliscea's younger sister, hopefully this month, and so we're getting a new niece...two of our nephews are serving missions right now and are doing well...we got to participate in the events surrounding the rededication of the Atlanta Temple and that was wonderful.

But there are times when the losses lately seem to outweigh the gains and I wonder just how much taking away and tearing down Heavenly Father intends to do before I start to see the fruits of the rebuilding effort. Faith.....

Random Thoughts....

It's time for another edition of random thoughts...and, in no particular order:

1. I went to a leadership class last week where I learned that I am now an ENFJ (I used to be ESFJ), that my preferred conflict resolution style is compromise (I am a people pleaser), and that my FIRO-B scores are 9/9 for inclusion, 9/4 for control, and 9/9 for affection. Yeah, tell me something I don't know! LOL I really did enjoy the class -- I learned a lot about myself and why I do some of the things I do. It's always good to develop new insights about yourself.

2. A woman who is terrified of elevators can convince three seemingly gruff, tough men (one bodybuilder and active duty member of the military, one marathon runner and retired member of the miitary, and one just plain big guy) to go up and down 16 flights of stairs repeatedly over the course of a 2 1/2 day class. And then those men will surprise her by not only offering to go up and down the stairs with her so she doesn't have to ride the elevator and doesn't have to take the stairs alone, but will also willingly offer their arms for her to dig her fingernails into during the elevator ride. Chivalry is not dead.

3. I have a hard time sitting still through anything and everything.

4. The windows in the chapel let in enough sunlight to be able to perform a piano solo when the electricity is off. Darn!

5. I cannot wait to go to the beach this weekend. I so desperately need some beach time. There is something so incredibly relaxing about sitting on the beach, listening to and watching the waves, and just being there in the moment. It recharges me. And being surrounded by friends will be fun, too!

6. Tomorrow is the last day of school. My baby is graduating from 5th grade. I am SO not ok with this. Sixth great definitely needs to be part of elementary school.

3 Things.....

There are three things in this world that women (well, at least I) find very demoralizing. We avoid these three things at all costs. We beg the powers that be to find a way to avoid these three things. We plead. We bargain.

And we lose. Because eventually, we have to do these three things.

And if you're really unlucky, and the powers that be feel like it's your turn to be dumped on, you get to do all three things in the same week, which makes you feel as though the forces of the universe have gathered against you.

Just in case you're wondering, this week I was the woman that the universe conspired against. I had to do all three of these dreaded things.

You want to know what these three things are?

1. Getting a new driver's license -- because the new picture is sure to be worse than the previous driver's license picture, which was already pretty darn bad
2. Bra shopping -- 'nuff said
3. Swimsuit shopping -- again, 'nuff said

And while we're on the subject, have you looked at the price of bras and bathing suits lately? So apparently the universe has decided that it isn't bad enough that we actually have to try on option after option after option after option...squeezing and contorting and shimmying and stuffing (oh yes, ladies -- we've all been there)...but then we have to pay an obscene amount of money for said items. How on earth can stretchy fabric cost sooooooo much? It's not right. Not only is the entire experience demoralizing, but at the end of it -- if you're lucky enough to find something that fits (close enough), covers what needs to be covers, enhances what needs to be enhanced, minimizes what needs to be minimized, stays where it's supposed to stay, etc., etc., etc., we have to pay someone for having gone through the torturous experience!

On a related note, have you ever noticed that just as soon as you finally find a lipstick, eyeshadow, or blush color that you absolutely love, a bra that fits well and does everything you want it to do, and a pair of pants or jeans that fits well and looks great on you ... that is the precise moment that the universe will conspire against you and the manufacturers of said items will decide that now is the perfect time to retire those items and come out with the "new and improved!" versions -- which, of course, cost more?

*Sigh*

Random Thoughts....

I haven't done a set of random thoughts in a while...so here goes:

-When you live in the south, it should not be colder inside your office than it is outdoors in January. Why they can't figure out a way to have the office heated in the winter and cooled in the summer is beyond me!

-I fear I will never have a clean, organized home.

-The problem with housework is that it is never done. I like to do something once, have it over with, and move on. Housework just isn't like that.

-I think there need to be limits on fertility treatments. If you already have six children between the ages of 7 and 2 and you're living with your parents in a 2-3 bedroom house, you probably don't need to go in for fertility treatments and have more babies. Especially 8 more babies.

-I love word searches.

-I'm starting a new job on Monday. I haven't even started boxing up my stuff at work for the move. I have so much to get done today and will have to work tomorrow to get even part of it done. I'm excited about the new job but also scared to death.

-I am really enjoying water aerobics. It's fun! And definitely a good workout.

-B has really enjoyed soccer this month. Her regular season starts next week. Yes, year round sports for us -- she just finished fall soccer in November!

-DH's basketball team is still undefeated, with two games left to go in his season. Yea!

-I think the best breakfast on the face of the earth is a chocolate filled croissant and a Coke. Yummy.

Random Thoughts...

Random thoughts for today...

*Arm and Hammer Pet Fresh Odor Eliminator is a wonderful product...but do not use 3/4 of the box at one time. Two hours later and my eyes are still burning. The nasty pet odor is gone, but I'm not sure if it's really gone or if it's just that my sense of smell has been permanently destroyed.

*I love getting a great deal. A and I went shopping this weekend and found a fabulous formal gown for her to wear to an upcoming church dinner/dance -- original price $169...I paid $14.99. Gotta love it! And it will be easy to alter...I found a pattern that is exactly what I want in terms of having sleeves added, and the dress store was able to find the exact same dress for me at another store for the same price so that I can give it to the seamstress to cut up and use to make sleeves. Sometimes you just get really lucky.

*I can't believe how grown-up A looks in that dress. And how tall B has suddenly grown. It makes me realize that my girls are growing up so very, very quickly. The song, "Slipping Through My Fingers" from Mamma Mia comes to mind. I love that song but it always makes me sad. What will my girls remember from their childhood? Will they remember that I was always busy at work, or will they remember that we went to the fair, went shopping together, cooked together...? Will they remember that we tucked them in to bed each night?

*We went to the fair last week and it was fun. I wish the fair came around more than once each year -- I love roasted corn and elephant ears. Much to my surprise, B's favorite ride at the fair was the hang glider ride. The girls like rides that spin. No, thank you.

*Right now my house is full with the sounds of teenagers playing games, listening to music, and hanging out. I want our home to be the kind of home they want to be at...at times I think I'm succeeding...except that I'm succeeding with the kids that aren't mine. LOL Apparently the youth that I work with at church think I'm "cool" and "fun," while I embarrass my own daughter. I guess that's the way life goes.

*A learned how to make bread last week and is making bread for the sacrament each Sunday this month. The recipe is very easy and she does a really good job with it. I'm not sure where my girls got their love of cooking (certainly not from me), but I'm glad they enjoy it!

7 Things...

Saw this on my sister M's blog and decided to try it...although I'm not going to tag anyone specific, if you read this then please try it on your blog!

I'm supposed to post 7 weird things about myself. (If only there were only 7 weird things....)

1. I am terrified of elevators. To the point that I will willing walk up as many flights of stairs as necessary to avoid elevators...once I walked up 9 flights to a doctor's office to avoid the elevator.

2. I roll my lips in and bite down when concentrating...Ouch!

3. I like ranch dressing on french fries, chicken nuggets, and baked potatoes.

4. I can't stand to have wrinkled, messy bedding but I hate to make the bed. Even if I don't make the bed in the morning, I have to pull the pillowcases, sheets, and comforter straight on my side of the bed before I get in.

5. Poor grammar and sloppy enunciation drive me absolutely crazy.

6. I have to concentrate hard to say Massachusetts correctly.

7. I notice people's eyebrows...whether they're kept trimmed, plucked, waxed, etc...don't know why, but I am fanatical about my eyebrows looking good. LOL

Have You Ever...

I saw this on someone's blog aqnd thought it would be fun!! You should do it too!
Just copy and paste the 200 statements then bold the ones you have done.
Have fun!

The idea is to highlight the things you have done out of the 200 items on the list.

The things I have done are in bold print!
1. Touched an iceberg
2. Slept under the stars
3. Been a part of a hockey fight
4. Changed a baby's diaper
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Swam with wild dolphins
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a tarantula
10. Said "I love you" and meant it
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Stayed up all night long and watched the sun rise
15. Seen the Northern Lights
16. Gone to a huge sports game
17. Walked the stairs to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
19. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
20. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Bet on a winning horse
23. Taken a sick day when you're not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Taken an ice cold bath
28. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Ridden a roller coaster
31. Hit a home run
32. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
33. Adopted an accent for fun
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Felt very happy about your life, even for just a moment
36. Loved your job 90% of the time
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Watched wild whales
39. Gone rock climbing40. Gone on a midnight walk on the beach
41. Gone sky diving
42. Visited Ireland
43. Ever bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited India
45. Bench-pressed your own weight
46. Milked a cow
47. Alphabetized your personal files
48. Ever worn a superhero costume
49. Sung karaoke
50. Lounged around in bed all day
51. Gone scuba diving
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Done something you should regret, but don't56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Been in a movie
60. Gone without food for 3 days
61. Made cookies from scratch
62. Won first prize in a costume contest
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Been in a combat zone
65. Spoken more than one language fluently
66. Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone - verbal not physical
67. Bounced a check
68. Read - and understood - your credit report
69. Recently bought and played with a favorite childhood toy
70. Found out something significant that your ancestors did
71. Called or written your Congress person
72. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
73. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
74. Helped an animal give birth
75. Been fired or laid off from a job
76. Won money
77. Broken a bone
78. Ridden a motorcycle
79. Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100 mph
80. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
81. Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing
82. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
83. Eaten sushi
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read The Bible cover to cover
86. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
87. Gotten someone fired for their actions
88. Gone back to school
89. Changed your name
90. Caught a fly in the air with your bare hands
91. Eaten fried green tomatoes
92. Read The Iliad
93. Taught yourself an art from scratch
94. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
95. Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt
96. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
97. Been elected to public office
98. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
99. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
100. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
101. Had a booth at a street fair
102. Dyed your hair
103. Been a DJ
104. Rocked a baby to sleep
105. Ever dropped a cat from a high place to see if it really lands on all four
106. Raked your carpet
107. Brought out the best in people
108. Brought out the worst in people
109. Worn a mood ring
110. Ridden a horse
111. Carved an animal from a piece of wood or bar of soap
112. Cooked a dish where four people asked for the recipe.
113. Buried a child
114. Gone to a Broadway (or equivalent to your country) play
115. Been inside the pyramids
116. Shot a basketball into a basket
117. Danced at a disco
118. Played in a band
119. Shot a bird
120. Gone to an arboretum
121. Tutored someone
122. Ridden a train
123. Brought an old fad back into style
124. Eaten caviar
125. Let a salesman talk you into something you didn’t need
126. Ridden a giraffe or elephant
127. Published a book
128. Pieced a quilt
129. Lived in an historic place
130. Acted in a play or performed on a stage
131. Asked for a raise
132. Made a hole-in-one
133. Gone deep sea fishing
134. Gone roller skating
135. Run a marathon
136. Learned to surf
137. Invented something
138. Flown first class
139. Spent the night in a 5-star luxury suite
140. Flown in a helicopter
141. Visited Africa
142. Sang a solo
143. Gone spelunking
144. Learned how to take a compliment
145. Written a love-story
146. Seen Michelangelo’s David
147. Had your portrait painted
148. Written a fan letter
149. Spent the night in something haunted
150. Owned a St. Bernard or Great Dane
151. Ran away
152. Learned to juggle
153. Been a boss
154. Sat on a jury
155. Lied about your weight
156. Gone on a diet
157. Found an arrowhead or a gold nugget
158. Written a poem
159. Carried your lunch in a lunch box
160. Gotten food poisoning
161. Gone on a service, humanitarian or religious mission
162. Hiked the Grand Canyon
163. Sat on a park bench and fed the ducks
164. Gone to the opera
165. Gotten a letter from someone famous
166. Worn knickers
167. Ridden in a limousine
168. Attended the Olympics
169. Can hula or waltz
170. Read a half dozen Nancy Drew or Hardy Boys books
171. Been stuck in an elevator
172. Had a revelatory dream
173. Thought you might crash in an airplane
174. Had a song dedicated to you on the radio or at a concert
175. Saved someone’s life
176. Eaten raw whale
177. Know how to tat, smock or do needlepoint
178. Laughed till your side hurt
179. Straddled the equator
180. Taken a photograph of something other than people that is worth framing
181. Gone to a Shakespeare Festival
182. Sent a message in a bottle
183. Spent the night in a hostel
184. Been a cashier
185. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
186. Joined a union
187. Donated blood or plasma
188. Built a camp fire
189. Kept a blog
190. Had hives
191. Worn custom made shoes or boots
192. Made a PowerPoint presentation
193. Taken a Hunter’s Safety Course
194. Served at a soup kitchen
195. Conquered the Rubik’s cube
196. Know CPR
197. Ridden in or owned a convertible
198. Found a long lost friend
199. Helped solve a crime
200. Responded to a NJP newsletter

Another week....

DH and the girls were out of school this week...unfortunately they all got colds and spent the latter half of the week feeling puny, sniffly, sneezy, cough-y, and tired. So much fun at our house! I, on the other hand, still had to work and put in a few late nights at the office.

B's first soccer practice for the spring season was this week. We are all hoping for a great season. She is on the same team as her friend Jenny, whose Dad is one of the coaches. Soccer practice really wore B out on Tuesday...she said she's very out of shape. LOL

A is starting private saxophone lessons today. We have a professional musician in our ward at church who plays several instruments. He was trying to put a ward band together -- it went really well at first and the band played at the ward Christmas party and did a great job -- but since then, only him, A, me, and one other guy have shown up for weekly rehearsals. So we decided to put the band on hold and he offered to give Alyssa free lessons. She's SO bored with band class at school...we're hoping this will be fun for her. Today is also registration for the spring softball season, so we need to get that taken care of.

It has been rainy a lot over the past week but we really need the rain so I can't complain...although the overcast skies do get really dreary. Today the sun is shining so maybe our yard will dry out!

I've been working on organizing our Spring Break trip to SeaWorld. It will be a short trip (about 3 days) but it should be fun. I think I've got everything figured out, but I need to make the hotel reservations. SeaWorld is opening a new water park on March 1 so we're going to include that in our visit. I'm excited about it!

I'm going to be in school (for work) for the next two weeks. The campus is only about 10 minutes from home, but it looks like I'll be going in to the office most days when class is over......things are really crazy busy at work right now.

I'm still keeping an eye on the political situation...the Democratic race is getting more interesting by the day. It will be interesting to see how that plays out. I was surprised and disappointed that Romney came out in support of McCain so quickly -- I didn't expect that to happen until after McCain officially won the nomination. I'm trying to figure out why Romney did it...I have a few thoughts.

I still feel very strongly that I cannot vote for McCain. I have always voted along straight party lines, but am really wondering what to do this year. No, I will not vote for Hillary or Obama, but I also do not feel that I can support McCain. I haven't seen/heard of any great independent candidates, and since Romney through his support to McCain, I can't do a write-in vote for Romney. What to do?

I think this is the year of voting against...not voting for. The conservative Republicans will vote for McCain -- not because they support McCain or even really want him as president, but because they are voting AGAINST the Democrats. Many Democrats and independents will vote for whoever the Democratic candidate is because they are voting AGAINST Bush, and therefore against any Republican. I really think the Democrats will win because the anti-Bush/anti-war sentiment is so strong.

And the primary voting...good grief people...I cannot understand people who vote for Hillary on the sole grounds that she is a woman...for Obama on the sole grounds that he is African-American...and even among those of my own religion, those who voted for Romney on the sole grounds that he is Mormon. Granted, knowing that Romney is a Mormon gives me a good undertanding of his values, but Sen. Harry Reid (D) is a Mormon and there is no way on earth that I would ever vote for that man.

As for those voting for Hillary because she's a woman and Obama because he's African-American, I just have one thing to say. What sense is there in voting for a candidate because of something that is genetic, over which they have absolutely no control? Please. Take time to research the issues, their positions, their experience, etc.....and make an informed choice based on something other than genetics!

We Thank Thee, O God, for a Prophet

President Gordon B. Hinckley, prophet and president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, passed away last night (http://newsroom.lds.org/ldsnewsroom/eng/news-releases-stories/beloved-church-president-gordon-b-hinckley-dies-at-97). He was 97 years old.

President Hinckley lived a long, full life and spent nearly all of it in service to Heavenly Father. He had been the prophet since 1995, and is the only prophet my girls have ever known. His leadership, love and compassion, and sense of humor endeared him to many, members and non-members alike. He was responsible for building so many temples, including the Anchorage, Alaska temple, which I must admit is my favorite (because we got to see it being built from the ground up!). I still remember how excited and thrilled we were in Anchorage when it was announced that we would be getting a temple. I remember President Hinckley coming to Anchorage for a regional conference. I was singing in the choir and was able to see him very clearly. We were so excited to have the prophet in Alaska!

In recent years President Hinckley had given us the "Six Be's" (later expanded to include more)...be prayerful, be grateful, be humble, be smart, be clean, be true. Wise counsel, indeed. More recently, he counseled us to get out of debt, establish financial reserves, and continue working on food storage. I have felt a strong, compelling need lately to work on those things and am glad that I am following his counsel.

While he will be greatly missed, it is comforting to know that he is now reunited with his sweet wife, Marjorie, who he loved so much. It was always touching to hear him talk about her. It was obvious that they loved each other very deeply. If more marriages had just a small amount of that type of love, divorce rates would drop drastically and families would be much happier.

It is also comforting to know that this is the Lord's church and He will not leave us without a leader. I am thankful for the established pattern of succession and the knowledge that the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles are all called of God and will, until such time as the new prophet is set apart, continue to lead the church in the way God would have it led. Last Sunday in church, our ward choir sang "We Thank Thee, O God, for a Prophet"...what sweet and strange significance that hymn holds in my heart today. I am so thankful for the priesthood, for the knowledge that I have that God continues to lead us through our prophet, just as in biblical times.

Yesterday we had stake conference, and it was a broadcast from Salt Lake City. President Monson spoke and was not at all himself...his remarks seemed a bit rambling, more reminiscent than he usually is, and he seemed quite preoccupied. He kept looking at the clock. I wonder now if he knew President Hinckley's time was short and wanted to be at his side and with the Hinckley family. Each prophet has had a distinct focus (or two or three), and I wonder what President Monson's focus will be. One comment made by President Monson in his remarks yesterday really caught my attention -- he said we should take advantage of opportunities to share our testimonies, including in internet blogs. (I was impressed that President Monson even know what an internet blog was, LOL!)

President Hinckley will be missed, and I am sad that he has passed away. But there is comfort in knowing that he is with his wife, and is happy. And, knowing how active and busy he was, even at 97 years old (he had a full schedule in his office last week!), I imagine he is already busy at work where is now!

The One Where I have Nothing to Say

I thought I would come do a quick blog post...logged on to my computer...got to my blog...signed in...and now I'm staring at the screen, trying to find something witty, intelligent, worthwhile, entertaining, or interesting to say.

I don't. Nothing. Nothing comes to mind. LOL

So instead, I'll tell you that both girls got their report cards yesterday and did great -- straight As for both of them. We're so proud of them. They both excel in school and are wonderful students.

DH's basketball team has won their first three games. That's always a good thing! He only has one game this weekend (last weekend he had three), and that's a good thing, too.

I've managed to clean out another kitchen cabinet this week, and make some minor inroads on cleaning out my closet. I find myself going through the house, looking for things I can set aside for friends, donate to Goodwill or other charities, or throw away. I feel almost a very compelling need to bring order to our home -- and that means some serious decluttering, getting rid of things, and deciding what we really want our home to be. I want it to be warm, inviting, peaceful, and a real retreat from the world. We have a long way to go, but I'm glad I have even felt like doing this -- it's something I have actively resisted in the past. I won't say I enjoy it, but there is something satisfying about seeing the end result. Speaking of which, the girls' rooms have stayed clean all week and they've even remembered (with only some reminding) to straighten their beds every morning.

Another small success is that we have had family scripture study every night this week. I have also felt a need to do this and make it part of our routine -- not a compelling need, but an urgent need. I don't understand it, but I know that it is very, very important and we have got to do this. I hope Heavenly Father isn't trying to prepare me for a massive trial...we don't need that! But I've noticed that the girls have gotten along better this week and there has been more peace in our home. That's a very good thing.

Hmmmmm...maybe I did have something to say, after all!

10:46 p.m., and Public Service Announcement

I have started referring to 10:46 pm as "the witching hour." For some strange reason, I end up awake, looking at the clock, at 10:46 p.m. every night. It's been going on for months. If I'm asleep, I wake up and look at the clock. If I'm awake, I manage to roll over and look at the clock. 10:46 p.m. Every single night.

It's getting old. I can't figure out why this is happening!!

Along other lines...a public service announcement.

One of my dear friends has been diagnosed with breast cancer. She had surgery yesterday and it went well. I will not go into further details because I do not want to invade her privacy.

What I do want to do, and feel very strongly about today, is to encourage all of you to do your monthly self-exams. If you're supposed to be getting mammograms, get them. Now. Don't put it off. If you haven't seen your doctor in a while, make an appointment. Just do it. Your life and your health is too precious to gamble with...particularly when early detection is so crucial.

Do it for yourself, or your children, or your family, or your friends...but please, do it.

Day 6 of the New Year...

And I'm already not doing well with my resolutions for this year! LOL We did make more progress on cleaning and organizing...I sorted my sweaters and am getting rid of a bunch of those, took a carload of stuff to Goodwill, and finished B's bedroom yesterday. It looks great. Both girls' bedrooms look great...now the challenge is to keep them that way. I need to decide what room will be next in my yearlong endeavor to conquer clutter.

We switch to the 1 p.m. schedule at church today. YEA! We all slept in this morning and it's so peaceful in our house right now with everyone able to take their time getting ready. I really prefer afternoon church.

M's basketball teams won their games this weekend, which is always a good thing.

I went back to work Friday after being off for 2 weeks. I usually dread going back to work after being off for a while, but I think that's because I don't usually feel rested and refreshed after my time off. I can't remember the last time I took 2 weeks off to just stay in town and hang out (usually if I take that much time off it's to go visit family). It was nice to feel like I was ready to go back. I enjoyed my time off but felt ready to get back to our (crazy) daily routines and schedules. Work is going to be really hectic for the next several months so I'll have to take advantage of any opportunity I get to take time off.

We received a Christmas card from the family of one of my former (and favorite) piano students. I love staying in touch with friends. They wrote such a sweet personal note in the card about Joanna still playing the piano (she's the pianist at church) and how she has overcome her nervousness at playing in public. It really made me feel good...for one of my many students, maybe I really made a difference and taught her something she can use and enjoy throughout her entire life. That's what I want my daughters to learn about music -- that it is something you can love and enjoy and continue doing (and learning) throughout your entire life.

Happy New Year!

I had such big plans for blogging over the holidays...I was going to capture our daily activities, complete with pictures. And it didn't happen. Oh well...I have some pictures...but was too busy having fun with my family and managing daily life to blog.

I hope you all had a fun and safe New Year's Eve. When spent it with a few friends/families from church, having a game night. It was fun. I love playing board games. I made sweet and sour meatballs and 7-layer Mexican dip, both of which were well-received. Both girls managed to stay awake until midnight, although by 11 p.m. B was definitely wearing out. She fell asleep in the car on the way home and slept in a bit this morning.

And now it's 2008. I thought about posting something eloquent, philosophical, and poetic for you...but that's not gonna happen! LOL

So let me just say that I am looking forward to 2008 being a wonderful year. 2007 was a "growth year" for me and I'd really rather not have another one of those any time soon. Lots of growing pains in my life last year (sounds so strange to call yesterday "last year")...I probably just jinxed myself, didn't I? I should know better.

2008 promises to be busy, but every year is like that. Hopefully the chaos will be manageable.

I hope 2008 is a wonderful year for all of you!

Another Public Service Announcement...

a/k/a Customer Warning.

I ordered an item for DH for Christmas on Thanksgiving Day online at Sears.com...the item was on a fabulous special (more than $100 off the usual price) as a one-day special. I ordered it, paid by e-check, and received e-mail confirmation that same day that the item would be delivered by November 27.

Fast foward to November 26...I receive another email from Sears.com stating as follows:

"Thank you for shopping at Sears.com. We are experiencing a delay in sending order confirmations due to the volume of orders received during the Thanksgiving holiday. please be assured we have received and are processing your order." (Duh -- I had already received my order confirmation!)

I called Sears.com again on December 4 when I still hadn't heard anything. I was told that they apologized for the delay but that the item was being shipped that very day and I would receive a shipping confirmation e-mail within 24 hours.

I never got that e-mail.

So I called again today and spoke with a very sweet customer service representative. She's actually from this general area. She was helpful and checked the records and saw that, indeed, I had called and checked on the status of my order and that, yes, I had been told it was shipping on December 4. However, she told me that the item was no longer in stock and was a one-day special, and was not going to be restocked -- at all, ever. (This particular item was not even available in the stores, just online.) She was quite apologetic and said she had handled several calls in the last couple of days about this particular item. She then confirmed that yes, indeed, the money for the item had already been taken out of my bank account (paid by e-check) -- in fact, the money was taken out of my account the day after Thanksgiving (which I knew, but I was glad she confirmed that they did indeed have my money for an item that I was never going to receive, and which they had led me to believe was going to be shipping any day now.)

She recommended that I go to my local Sears store tonight and demand an instant refund, otherwise it will take 5-7 days to get my money back. She cancelled my online order and gave me the information I will need when I talk to the manager of the Sears store tonight.

I am so ticked off. I finally found the item online somewhere else this afternoon and ordered it, but there is a price difference. It will be interesting to see if Sears will do anything to right the situation with me...

I'm so glad I called today -- otherwise I doubt they would have contacted me about this.

So, my customer service warning and PSA for today is this: DO NOT SHOP AT SEARS.COM

Interesting Conversation...

I had a doctor's appointment yesterday...just routine stuff. But it was interesting. I knew what to expect...blood draw, check. Weight, check. Review of medications, check. Any change in medical history, check. Exam, check. Getting hit upside my head with a 2x4 when the doctor reminded me that now that I've reached the age of XX, additional exams and tests are required, check. (Except that I'm really not as old as my birth certificate says I am. Really. It's not possible. Somehow, somewhere there is a mistake. I'm NOT this age!)

What I didn't expect was to end up having a conversation about faith, hope, and really trusting Heavenly Father and giving up the "control freak" in us, truly believing that He has a plan and knows what is best for us and trusting Him.

Not exactly the kind of exchange I expected at this appointment. My doctor is not LDS, but that doesn't matter. I really appreciated that he opened the door to that conversation and shared his thoughts with me. It was a difficult appointment for me, emotionally. I had been dreading it for a few months and thought I had finally gotten a hold of myself and pulled myself together. Apparently not, as I cried while the prescreening stuff was being done...and then proceeded to cry for a good bit while the doctor and I talked. He listened to me and set aside all of the medical stuff and just talked with me and shared his thoughts. I needed that. He made an interesting comment about being on the roller coaster (using my analogy) and telling me that sometimes we just have to hang on and enjoy the ride.

It didn't change the fact that I have no idea what Heavenly Father's plan is for me in this particular aspect of my life. It didn't change the fact that I desperately WANT to know what the plan is, or the fact that I just haven't been getting answers on this subject. It didn't change what it is that *I* want out of this particular situation, or the other tangle of issues surrounding this particular situation. And it didn't change the fact that I felt like an idiot for sitting in his office crying about this (except that he said his wife has very similar feelings on this particular situation and so he's been through this with her a few times!).

I appreciated his openness about needing to have faith and hope, and needing to trust Heavenly Father. I appreciated him sharing that with me.

I still don't know what I'm going to do...but it felt good to talk about it.

But the getting smacked in the head with a 2x4 over the fact that my birth certificate says I'm an age that I really, truly, honestly can't possible really be because I certainly don't feel that old? That, I didn't need.

Random Thoughts....

*Last night I went out to dinner with three of my dearest friends. The four of us are known, collectively, as "the Divas." (No, I really have no idea how we got that nickname...LOL!) As is always the case, we had a wonderful time catching up on what's going on in everyone's life, laughing, sympathizing and empathizing, and just spending time together. I've said it before and I'll say it again -- women need close friends. We need these relationships. We need to cherish and nurture these friendships. The Divas are such an awesome support system for me. We had a wonderful time last night and I'm already looking forward to our next get-together.

*I've said before that I love quotes. As I was browsing a catalog a few minutes ago, I came across two quotes that might end up being my new mantras:

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain."
"It's never to late to live happily ever after."

*Our Christmas tree is up and decorated, but it just won't feel like Christmas to me until our nativity set is on display. Our nativity set was a gift I received at my bridal shower, which was held just a few days before Christmas. It was given to me by three or four sisters from church who were a group of very close friends who always had lots of fun together (forerunners of the Divas, perhaps?). While I have lost contact with those women, I still have the nativity set they gave me and we display it every Christmas. I hope DH gets the rest of the Christmas decorations down soon so we can put out the nativity set.

*I need to work on being more assertive in certain situations. I got my nails done yesterday and decided to step outside of my comfort zone and get my nails painted red for the Chistmas season. The person who did my nails insisted on picking out the color for me. I knew when he brought the nail polish over that I wasn't going to like it. Why didn't I say something??? I didn't want to hurt his feelings. He kept going on and on about how it was the perfect Christmas red with a little sparkle in it to represent snowflakes. I just didn't have the heart to tell him I didn't like it. I thought it might look better once it was applied. Ummm, no. Not at all. I didn't have time to repaint my nails yesterday so I went to church with nails that seemed to glow as brightly as Rudolph's nose! LOL I was so self-conscious of themat church. This afternoon A and B helped take the polish off (not an easy task) and A repainted my nails...more of a cranberry color, which is much more "me." I really do need to be a bit more assertive in situations like that!

On Trees....

I've been thinking about trees over the last few days. I like trees of all types, and especially those that flower. Dogwoods are a particular favorite (pink especially...too bad we killed the pink dogwoods DH bought for me). I love trees in the spring, when they start to bud and come back to life after winter.

I really loved spring in Anchorage (all three days of it, LOL!). One day, the trees were nothing but bare branches, appearing for all intents and purposes to be dead. And then suddenly, the next morning as I drove to work, I noticed the faintest hint of green among the trees...and then the next day, the green was darker and I knew that winter truly was almost over. Buds and leaves literally popped out and grew overnight. It was amazing.

The other day I saw a tree that had lost most of its leaves. But there were still a few left, and they were the most gorgeous shade of red. It was as if the tree was making a statement to the seasons -- yes, you make take my leaves, but not without a fight. Not without one last, glorious show of life and passion and color...and hope.

I think that's what trees symbolize for me...the promise that spring always follows winter. The promise of rebirth...of new growth, new life...the promise of hope.

Hope and faith are have been sadly lacking in my life over the last year. It is so easy to hope, to believe, and to have faith when things are going well, when life is easy. I can honestly say that most of my life has been that way. But the last year has been really hard for me, for various reasons.

I feel like a tree...a year ago was my summer...in full bloom, alive with color, thriving. And then fall set in...slowly the weather cooled and the leaves, the beautiful and colorful leaves, began to fall off the tree. And like the trees in your yard, suddenly one day you look at the tree and see nothing but the stark brown trunk and bare branches, sticking out at odd angles, with leaves scattered about on the ground.

I have been through fall and am now in winter. My leaves have fallen and as they have fallen I have felt my faith and hope faltering. I feel bare and stark and like my branches are sticking out at odd angles while I stand alone in the middle of the yard, unsheltered. I have struggled and cried and whined and complained. All to no avail. I wanted my leaves back, to continue the tree metaphor. I wanted things just the way they were in summer, before things were hard to deal with, when life was going the way I wanted it to go.

But I have realized in the last few days, that even though winter may be long...cold and dark and lonely and, oh, so long...there is always the promise of spring. Always. It is a natural law -- spring will and must always following winter. Sometimes spring comes earlier than expected, and sometimes later. But it always comes. And with spring comes rebirth, growth, new life...that faintest shimmer of green among the bare, brown branches.

Trees manage to survive through winter, and come out more beautiful in the spring when they grow and bloom. The same leaves don't grow back, but new leaves grow. The tree will never look exactly the same from one spring to the next -- the leaves may be bigger or smaller or more plentiful. But they always grow back. I think trees actually need winter in order to thrive. I need to do the same thing. I need to survive winter and come out stronger in the spring.

I know what I need to do in order to make it through this winter period. I just need to do it. It's worth doing. I know it is. Even when things seem so dark and cold and hopeless, deep down I know that it's worth it.

Spring will come.

Random Thoughts

*Last night was our Young Women in Excellence program at church. It went really well. We were worried that we wouldn't be able to fill the time, but we did. The girls sang beautifully (although not loudly enough) and A did a good job on her part. So now our last big event for the year is over and we can start planning next year's big events. Always so much to do!

*I got the new Becky Higgins sketches book from Creating Keepsakes. LOVE it! Her first book is one of my favorites (as are both of Cathy Zielske's books). I flipped through the new book quickly last night and got really excited about trying some of the layouts. I have all of the supplies for our vacation album...maybe over the holidays I'll actually have some time to clean and reorganize my scrapbooking room and work on the vacation album! I really feel like I need that creative outlet. I have missed it.

*B left her notebook at school yesterday...so since I only saw her for a few minutes last night I decided to drive her to school this morning and make sure it was in her desk and sign the papers she needed to have signed. She loved sleeping in for an extra 30 minutes this morning and I enjoyed spending some time with her this morning. She is such a sweet girl!

*DH's basketball team won their first game last night so the season is off to a good start.

*A's softball awards banquet is tomorrow night. She's looking forward to it. She has an academic team competition today, as well as drama rehearsal. She's so busy!!!

Weekend in Review...

First of all, how about a round of applause and some cheers for "My Boys" (a/k/a BYU Cougars Football Team)! After a very close game (probably a good thing I was at work so I couldn't watch it...I would have been a wreck!), they beat Utah. Two years in a row...gotta love My Boys.

I went out shopping on Friday -- my traditional Black Friday shopping trip, which I never miss (even did it on crutches a couple of years ago) and got some great deals. Bought myself a Christmas gift that I can't wait to use...and bought an anniversary gift for DH and me. Not an exciting gift, but one that I've wanted for a while. DH even went shopping with me for a little while, although I know there are a gazillion things he would have preferred to do, LOL! I made a pretty good dent in my Christmas list, although there is more to do. I am hoping to finish all of the gifts that have to be mailed this week and get them in the mail this weekend. We'll see how that goes. I even got started on our Christmas cards!

A gave a talk in church yesterday and did a great job! She wasn't very happy that we wouldn't write the talk for her, but we gave her a few scripture references and told her how to use the church website to find talks and information. She found all of the information herself and wrote a great talk. She does very well with public speaking. I'm so proud of her!

Our Christmas tree went up this weekend and the girls did a beautiful job decorating it. We moved it to a different part of the living room and I must admit (grudgingly) that DH was right -- it fits better than it did where we put it for the last several years. Although now our piano is blocking the entrance to the playroom...LOL! We decided that we definitely need a bigger (and prelit) tree, so that's on my wish list for next year. I thought 7.5 feet would be good but DH thinks 9 feet would be better. We'll see if we can find one at a price I'm willing to pay. Of course, a bigger tree means getting more decorations....*smile*. We got the fireplace decorations up and the garland on the front door but there is much more decorating to do. We pulled out some of our favorite Christmas CDs and enjoyed those. A and B got along really well this weekend (for the most part) and had so much fun decorating the Christmas tree and choreographing dances to go with some of the Christmas songs we were listening to. I was laughing so hard I was crying at one point!

Speaking of Christmas CDs, I have a couple of recommendations. If you like a capella music, there is a group that we love -- "Voice Mail" -- and we have two of their Christmas CDs -- "Jingles" and "Jingles 2". They are fabulous. I actually like the first CD better, but both are really good. And I am currently listening to the new Josh Groban Christmas CD, which I really like. And it's hard to beat "Mary, Did You Know?" by Clay Aiken. I love that one. And the way he sings "O Holy Night"...wow! Another favorite is Michael McLean's "The Forgotten Carols" -- none of them are traditional carols and you really need to read the story that goes along with them. But it really helps to remind me of the true meaning of Christmas. I love those.

Basketball season is now in full swing with the first game this week.

The first big decision of the Christmas season is the design of our Christmas card....I labor over that decision for hours. That has been decided (although not without some second guessing on my part)...and then it's on to the second big decision of the Christmas season: what to wear for our family Christmas picture. It's always so hard to decide! I think the decision has finally been made and I'm just hoping the pictures turn out well. We're doing outdoor pictures again this year so the weather needs to cooperate this weekend!