Interesting Conversation...

I had a doctor's appointment yesterday...just routine stuff. But it was interesting. I knew what to expect...blood draw, check. Weight, check. Review of medications, check. Any change in medical history, check. Exam, check. Getting hit upside my head with a 2x4 when the doctor reminded me that now that I've reached the age of XX, additional exams and tests are required, check. (Except that I'm really not as old as my birth certificate says I am. Really. It's not possible. Somehow, somewhere there is a mistake. I'm NOT this age!)

What I didn't expect was to end up having a conversation about faith, hope, and really trusting Heavenly Father and giving up the "control freak" in us, truly believing that He has a plan and knows what is best for us and trusting Him.

Not exactly the kind of exchange I expected at this appointment. My doctor is not LDS, but that doesn't matter. I really appreciated that he opened the door to that conversation and shared his thoughts with me. It was a difficult appointment for me, emotionally. I had been dreading it for a few months and thought I had finally gotten a hold of myself and pulled myself together. Apparently not, as I cried while the prescreening stuff was being done...and then proceeded to cry for a good bit while the doctor and I talked. He listened to me and set aside all of the medical stuff and just talked with me and shared his thoughts. I needed that. He made an interesting comment about being on the roller coaster (using my analogy) and telling me that sometimes we just have to hang on and enjoy the ride.

It didn't change the fact that I have no idea what Heavenly Father's plan is for me in this particular aspect of my life. It didn't change the fact that I desperately WANT to know what the plan is, or the fact that I just haven't been getting answers on this subject. It didn't change what it is that *I* want out of this particular situation, or the other tangle of issues surrounding this particular situation. And it didn't change the fact that I felt like an idiot for sitting in his office crying about this (except that he said his wife has very similar feelings on this particular situation and so he's been through this with her a few times!).

I appreciated his openness about needing to have faith and hope, and needing to trust Heavenly Father. I appreciated him sharing that with me.

I still don't know what I'm going to do...but it felt good to talk about it.

But the getting smacked in the head with a 2x4 over the fact that my birth certificate says I'm an age that I really, truly, honestly can't possible really be because I certainly don't feel that old? That, I didn't need.