Do....Over

Remember when you were in elementary school and you were playing any kind of recreational game, like four square, or tetherball, or dodgeball...and something didn't go your way so you asked for a "do over"?

Remember how my theme word for 2007 is "Do"? Well, I need a Do Over.

On Tuesday I went to the funeral of my dear friend's 25 year old nephew. I never met the young man, but it was obvious from the crowd at the funeral and the great outpouring of emotion that this young man was well-loved and surrounded by good friends and a loving family. My friend delivered personal remarks about her sweet nephew...there were smiles and laughter, and many tears. I don't know how she got through it. She has always amazed me with her strength. She is such a good example to me.

This young man was killed in an auto accident. Another of his good friends was also killed, and the other passenger in the vehicle is currently hospitalized. The funeral for the other young man was held a few hours after the funeral I attended. Many of those families and friends attended two funerals in one day. So very sad and tragic.

The funeral made me think about my theme word for 2007: Do. Everyone who spoke at the funeral talked about this young man's love of friends, family, and life. He loved hunting, fishing, and being outdoors. He loved spending time with his friends. He was an energetic, friendly, fun person to be around. Everyone said he lived life to the fullest.

Am I doing that in my life? No. Like I said, I need a "Do Over."

I haven't done so well with "Do"ing so far this year. I have spent far too much time sitting on my rear end and not doing the things I want to do...the things my kids want to do...the things I should do. I have allowed three months of my life to slip away and I don't feel like I've really lived them. In my defense, I've been horribly busy at work and it has been exhausting. I haven't felt well. I have been busy chauffering the girls to their activities...trying to keep the household running during DH's coaching season...the list of excuses goes on and on.

Lately I've felt like a spectator in my own life. Like someone else is living my life and I can't yell loudly enough for them to hear me, to let me in and let me take back control of my life. It's a very strange feeling and I don't like it. Of course, I am a control freak....

So it's time to renew my vow to Do. Easter is a time of renewal and it seems like a good time to try again, to try harder, and to be better. It is time for me to live my life. To go for walks and enjoy the beautiful trees and flowers, to spend time sitting in the yard watching the girls play, to spend more time with DH and the girls playing board games or just watching movies, to go on a family vacation that is truly a *family vacation* (we're planning it right now and I can't wait!), to quit procrastinating the "should do" things and the "want to do" things...to instill some self-discipline in my life and try to do better and be better.

It's terrible that it takes a tragedy like this to help me realize how blessed I am and how little I am doing with what I have been given.

Some quotes on the subject....

Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that the stuff life is made of. (Benjamin Franklin)

Time is a companion that goes with us on a journey. It reminds us to cherish each moment, because it will never come again. What we leave behind is not as important as how we have lived. (Capt Jean-Luc Picard, played by Patrick Stewart, from the film "Star Trek: Generations" --yes, I'm a Trekkie!)

I could not, at any age, be content to take my place by the fireside and simply look on. Life was meant to be lived. Curiosity must be kept alive. One must never, for whatever reason, turn his back on life. (Eleanor Roosevelt)

The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it. — Anonymous

"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, totally worn out and proclaiming, 'WOW, WHAT A RIDE!!!'" (Bill McKenna) -- I LOVE THIS ONE!

Another reason to DO...a/k/a Life Just Isn't Fair

A sweet little girl named Catie passed away last night. Catie was diagnosed with medulloblastoma, a brain tumor, on her first birthday. She just turned 3 last fall. Poor Catie endured so many surgeries, so much radiation, so many chemo treatments. She personified the term "fighter."

I never had the opportunity to meet Catie. I wish I had. I learned about her through my friend Kristie whose own precious daughter was going through her own battle with leukemia. Kendrie was only 4 when she was diagnosed. She's just a few months younger than my own sweet B. If that wasn't enough for one family to endure, Kristie's husband also has cancer and has undergone extensive and excrutiatingly painful treatment for that. Kendrie beat cancer. Catie was not so lucky.

I have followed Catie's journey for the last several months through her CaringBridge website. Please take a moment to visit her website (http://www.caringbridge.org/ga/catie/) and read about this sweet, precious, adorable child. I cannot imagine what her family is going through. Catie's Mom is scheduled to give birth next week to a new baby. The thought of burying one child and then almost immediately welcoming your second child into this world....how unfair life is sometimes.

But I like to think that right now, Catie is in heaven meeting her new brother or sister and telling them all about how wonderful her parents are...how sweet their puppy is...and about all of her favorite things. I think, more than anything, Catie will tell her new brother or sister just how loving her Mama and Daddy are, and will ask that precious baby brother or sister to please give Mama and Daddy some extra hugs from their dear Catie. And then Catie will lovingly send her new brother or sister down to earth...perhaps wishing she was still here, but being filled with joy at being free from pain and able to run, jump, and play to her heart's content, with no more surgeries, radation, or chemo lurking in her future.

After you visit Catie's website, please visit Kendrie's website (http://www.caringbridge.org/ga/kendrie/) to read about Kristie's exciting new project that will be of enormous benefit to all of those who face a cancer battle. I promise that Kristie will make you laugh, smile, think and, sometimes, cry. She has an amazing gift for writing and for humor.

So today, the word DO has new meaning for me. Right now, today, DO give your children and your loved ones all of the hugs, kisses, and attention you can. Right now, DO tell them how much you love them. DO stop the housework, the errands, the busy work...and focus on your family and those you love. DO it now. DO play that extra board game with your kids...DO spend those extra few minutes past bedtime spending quality time with your spouse, no matter how tired you are. DO forgive...DO let go of grudges and guilt and anger. Tomorrow might be too late.

Do you hear it?

That loud sound of rushing air accompanied by the heavenly hosts singing the "Hallelujah Chorus"?

I found out this morning that my big oral exam (warrant board) at work will not be this week. It will be next Friday.

So the sound of rushing air is me letting out my breath and coming up for air from a weekend full of studying (and middle school science fair projects). I cannot tell you how relieved I am to have another week to study. Granted, another week like the last week...where almost every spare minute has been spent studying and cramming...is neither a fun nor exciting prospect. But it does help save what little bit of sanity I have left.

A finished her display board for her science fair project over the weekend. One of her friends came over and I took them shopping Saturday morning for supplies and then "supervised" their work session. My stomach was in knots every time they opened the bottles of rubber cement...on my living room carpet. Fortunately there were no "accidents"! They really did a nice job on their projects. A and I have a similar eye for design...straight, clean lines, uncluttered layout, and symmetry. She worked really hard on her project over the weekend and did a great job. Now she just has to write the paper summarizing her experiment and the results (in detail) and she's done with the project. Then we wait for the science fair and see how she does. This Saturday she has an academic team competition. That will keep us busy!

B did two scrapbook layouts this weekend...her first paper layouts. She has created a few digital layouts in the last couple of weeks, but these were her first paper layouts. She really did a nice job! She is also very creative. She said she prefers doing "paper layouts" over digital layouts because she likes to work with paper. Just like me! She had a good weekend, in terms of stomach issues. We're still waiting for the results of the bloodwork she had done last week. That reminds me, I need to call the pediatrician's office to see if they have the results yet.

As far as "DO"...I am really proud of myself for the studying I did this weekend. I love my job but must admit that the material I'm studying is quite dull. Sometimes it's really hard to focus but I was able to devote several hours (although not uninterrupted hours) to my studies. If I can get in a good two to three hours every day between now and next Friday I think I'll be in good shape. So I'm proud of myself for making myself "DO" the studying. I also managed to get some laundry done! Such an exciting weekend. Such is my life.

How am I "DO"ing?

No pun intended there! So how am I doing on my "DO" theme for 2007?

Well, I'm trying. I have had some issues come up at work on a huge project I'm working on, and those issues have sidetracked some other things I wanted to DO right away, both at work and at home. But I'm happy to report that today I was able to complete and turn in some paperwork that I have been trying to complete since Tuesday morning. Next week I will go before an oral examination board at work to have my fate decided...not really, but it seems like it. In Government contracting, you have to have a document called a "warrant" in order to sign Government contracts. Right now I do everything but sign the actual contracts. Warrants come in various dollar amounts...I was hoping to request a limited warrant (several million dollars) and then get an unlimited warrant in another year or so. I was told on Monday that I have no choice -- I will go before the board next week and request an unlimited warrant.

SCARY. Very, very scary. I haven't had to do oral examination boards in over 3 years.

So now I'm studying...trying to spend every spare minute studying. Most people spend at least a month, or more, preparing for these boards. I have one week. From today. The board convenes next Thursday.

I tried to study at home last night but was exhausted and didn't get much done. I had planned to study all afternoon today, but got sidetracked by issues on my big project and haven't had a chance yet. My big plans to DO things around the house and keep moving on cleaning and organizing have been derailed by having to prepare for the board next week.

So if all is quiet on the blog front for the next several days, you'll know where I am!

BTW, B went to the doctor again today about her stomach problems. They did some bloodwork and we hope to have the results tomorrow. They're checking for possible physiological causes...ulcers being the one DH remembers the nurse practitioner talking about specifically. If nothing shows up, we'll look further. My poor girl!

A got her report card yesterday and got fabulous grades. We're having an issue with one of her teachers right now that might get a bit ugly...no one messes with my kids and gets away with it. Hopefully the issue can be resolved calmly and peacefully. Usually *I* am the one who gets worked up and takes up issues with the teachers. This time the issue is of significant magnitude that DH has gotten involved and is not a happy camper, so I'm letting him handle it, educator to educator. Right now we're thinking that we may have to schedule a meeting with the teacher, us, the instructional coordinator, and the principal. Not fun.