Have you ever noticed that, if you happen to be a typically upbeat, peppy, perky person, other people don't know how to handle it when you have a not-so-upbeat, peppy, perky day/week/month? *Sigh* Come on, people, I can't be perky every day!!
The last couple of weeks were not really happy ones as I just passed what is, in my mind, a momentous birthday. You know how rounding works? Numbers ending in 1 through 4 get rounded down, and numbers ending in 5 through 9 get rounded up? Yeah. Well, I'm now in the "round up" category. Not so fun. This year's birthday was a difficult one for me to deal with. For two weeks prior to my birthday I was miserable. I think made a lot of people around me miserable, too. It's just that it was one of those birthdays that causes you to stop and take account of your life, where you are, where you've been, and where you're going. And in my mind, I just wasn't where I was supposed to be in life by this age.
By this age you're supposed to be a fully grown up adult. I don't feel like a fully grown up adult. And there are days when I really don't want to be a fully grown up adult. There are days when it's just too hard. I still think of myself as being young...younger than I am, anyway. I realize age is a state of mind. Obviously my mind needs some adjusting because I know in my brain that I am *not* old...but lately I've felt old. You know how cars just magically start breaking down when you get a few miles past the warranty limit? I think that's what my body is doing.
By this age I thought I would be through law school and in a successful law practice. Um, yeah...that hasn't happened yet. I still want it to. Will it? I don't know. Right now I'm torn between law school and doing a PhD. Which one will end up actually happening? Who knows...I want to do both. I'm so indecisive! Going to school is so important to me and is a huge part of my identity. I love the learning process. I can't wait to get started on that.
By this age I thought I would have a larger family. Um, yeah...that hasn't happened yet either. I have learned that some things are just completely out of my control. For a control freak, that's a hard lesson to learn. Do I like it? No. Am I good at accepting it? Definitely not. Am I working on it? Yes.
But, as a wonderful friend pointed out, I have a successful career, a wonderful and loving husband, and two beautiful, smart, fabulous, well-adjusted children. Really, it's probably selfish of me to want more. I need to work on being satisfied and content with what I have and where I am in life. I have been richly and abundantly blessed and for that I am truly grateful.
I went out with the Divas for dinner last night. There are four Divas -- three of my dear friends from my first job in Georgia and myself. We don't get together as often as any of us would like, but when we do we always have a great time. I needed that last night. These three dear friends of mine always make me smile and laugh and recharge my battery. They spoiled me with lovely birthday gifts and we even got free ice cream at the restaurant since we were celebrating two birthdays (mine and the birthday of one of the other Divas). I don't know if these three women realize how much they mean to me and how important our connection is. I have learned over the last several years that women really do need to have close female friends. They fill a need our husbands just can't fill, no matter how hard they try. We can laugh together, cry together, whine and complain, just be together, shop together, or just sit and talk and it always makes me feel better. So to the Divas, I send a huge hug and heartfelt thank you...you made this particular birthday special for me and I am thankful for you. I see a shopping/card making day in our future, and I hope it's very soon!!!
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