Ballet

It's very quiet here this morning. I usually sleep in a bit on Sundays since we don't have church until 1 pm, but this morning I woke up around 6:30 and found myself tossing and turning and unable to get back to sleep. That could be because I'm so sore from this weekend's activities. No, not preparing for the movie. I performed in a dance recital. Yes, you read that right. Me, in a costume, on stage, in front of people. Surprisingly, I really wasn't nervous at this recital like I was at the first two I performed in. In fact, I found it odd that I didn't really feel nervous at all, other than the last couple of minutes before the curtain went up for our first piece. I don't know if it was because I knew that this was probably my last chance to do something like this (who knows if I'll be able to find a studio with adult classes at my skill level in Virginia...), or what. But I wasn't nervous. (Thank goodness for prayer!)

All week long I had been reviewing the steps in my head as I went about my various activities, but even as late as Thursday night I was struggling to remember the order of the steps in our tap routine. I finally got them. We performed three numbers (one of them twice) at dress rehearsal on both Friday and Saturday -- one en pointe, one ballet, and one tap. It was fun and I cried and cried when it was over (in the car on the way home) because it was over and I will miss this part of my life and the wonderful friends I have made through it. Either my daughters or I have been going to Ms. Patricia's School of Dance and Gymnastics almost every year since we moved here 12 years ago. Patricia is one of the sweetest people I know. Brie started taking tumbling there again this spring and will take a "summer fun" tumbling series there this summer. This year, after some personal struggles, I thought I was going to have to give up my beloved ballet classes but Patricia came to me and said that she just wouldn't let me quit and she knew how much I needed those Monday night dance classes and she made it possible for me to continue to dance. I am forever grateful for that. And my teacher, Ms. Beth -- oh, how I love her. She has been my teacher, my therapist, counselor, example, friend, and one of the most giving and kind people I know. Even as she struggled with severe health problems earlier this year and had to cancel classes for a month, she always had a smile on her face and strong, strong faith. I love how she ended each class with a prayer, all of us in a circle holding hands as she said a prayer of gratitude and prayed for whatever needs individual class members had at the time. She is so sweet and I will miss her. I am planning to meet with her a few times this summer so she can help me choreograph a barre workout that I can do at home (did you know most kitchen counters are the right height to be used as a subsitute barre?) so I can at least keep up my basic ballet, pointe, and tap skills.

I really don't know how to explain why I love dance so much. One thing I like is that it is exercise but it doesn't feel like regular exercise. I can't explain that...I know it sounds silly. It is a very disciplined art...controlled movements requiring exact placement and movements. I think, honestly, it can take a lifetime to truly master it. But there is something very freeing in movement that is so controlled. As I focus my mind on muscle control, posture, feeling the rhythm of the music, body position, and movement, all of my other cares and concerns flee and for that hour and a half all I feel is joy -- really, that's the best way I can describe it. Joy. The endorphins at the end help, too! I am usually sore at the end but it's a good kind of sore. And I am definitely sore today!!! I ache all over -- especially my feet -- but it is a good feeling. The kind of feeling where you know you accomplished something wonderful.

I am not comfortable having my family watch me dance. I think that makes them unhappy, but really, I dance for ME -- solely for ME. I know that is selfish. But if they are there (and I know because they were at my first recital), I am worried about not messing up and wanting to be perfect for them and it changes the experience for me. I lose that inner focus on the dance and movements and the motion and the joy. For my Christmas recital this year, I didn't even tell them when/where the recital was! I finally broke down and told Mark yesterday morning when/where the recital was (he knew it was yesterday but that's all he knew) but told him that he didn't have to come, and if he did come, I did NOT want to know about it in advance. Crazy? Maybe. But when I dance, even though there are other people in the class and in the performance, I selfishly dance just for me and for what it does for me personally.

So yesterday, I asked one of the girls in my class to take a picture as we were warming up so that I could prove to everyone that I really did put on a costume and perform. She took the picture with my phone and I posted in to Facebook. One of my friends took the picture and edited it and made it really wonderful....she got rid of the people in the background and made this something beautiful that I love. And so here it is.... Yes, I'm not looking at the camera. Why? I don't know -- it just felt too posed and unnatural. I was trying to figure out what to do with my head and arms when Amber took the picture. And I like it this way.

Door Knobs and Drawer Pulls and Hinges, Oh My!

An update on this week's adventures in moving preparations.... -Why is cabinet hardware so expensive? And why can't door hinges for cabinets be universal? Because changing out hinges is such a huge hassle (as we learned when Mark refinished the vanity in the master bathroom), we decided to leave the hinges as they are in the kitchen and just replace the cabinet door knobs and drawer pulls with something in some sort of antique bronze or hammered bronze or something that would go with the old looking hinges. It has been a real effort to find something that would work. Mark finally found something that will do. No what I would use if we were staying here, but at this point in time it's the best we can find. Cabinet hardware is SO expensive. It's crazy to pay that much for a cabinet door knob. -And speaking of door knobs, I wanted to change out all of our door knobs throughout the house to brushed nickel or satin nickel but the price for that was crazy, too -- $400 if we had purchased everything through eBay. At this point in time, with the discouraging price forecast for our honme, I'm just not able to spend $400 on door knobs. And, of course, switching out the door knobs would have meant also switching out the hinges.... -The dining room is now painted and looks like a generic dining room. We had a beautiful cranberry color on the bottom half of the walls. It is now gone. The girls' bathroom is now painted -- no more aqua blue. Now it's the same tan color the rest of the house will be. It looks so strange and impersonal to me. I am looking for a new light fixture for their bathroom. -Mark re-popcorned the ceiling in the master bathroom yesterday and he did a great job. It's nice being married to a handyman!! -We met with the realtor again and she has done a downward adjustment on what she thinks we can quickly sell the house for. We will be lucky to break even. I need to get in touch with the government relocation program office to ask more questions about closing costs and things like that. If it turns out that we're going to lose money if we sell, we will probably just try to rent the house for a while instead. *Sigh* -My husband is now unemployed. STRESS! We are hoping to hear very soon from one of the several school districts he has applied to. We know we are supposed to make this move and so I am trying hard to hold onto my faith and to hope and not get discouraged, but it is hard at times. The tears have flowed on more than one occasion. But we will press forward and hope and pray for the best. -I really need a trip to the beach but won't be able to do that until the house is on the market. I'm so in need of some beach time!

Remind Me Why I'm Doing This....?????

The next time I get the hare-brained idea to apply for a job that will require me to move my family 750 miles away, sell our home, start a new job, and look for a new job for my husband, please knock me over the head with a 2x4, because maybe -- just maybe -- that will knock some sense into me. Actually, I'm going to blame this one my Mark and Dad who seem to have really pushed the idea. Dad, are you trying to get rid of us? I am trying so hard to have faith but there are times, like this very moment, when it's so very hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. As of May 30 my husband will be unemployed, since he is leaving a perfectly good, stable, secure teaching job so we can move. Not only is he leaving his teaching job, but giving up the opportunity to be head boys basketball coach at the school where he teaches -- something he has wanted to be as long as I have known him. I am having a pessimistic moment. We have SO much work to do to get this house ready to sell. We have SO much work to do to get this house ready for my in-laws' visit -- and they arrive tomorrow. No sleep for me tonight. I have been having some health issues and saw my orthopedic surgeon today to get some test results. They don't look good. In the big scheme of things it's not horrific, but right now it's just not good. I will be seeing a rheumatologist in the near future, I suppose, for further testing and hopefully a diagnosis. Rheumatoid arthritis is a definite possibility, along with other joint problems. My husband does not have a job where we are going. We have moved like this before -- with him not having a job lined up before we moved -- and it worked out fine, as he is wont to remind me regularly as I have these pessimistic moments. But I would feel so much better about things if the school district there would at least call and schedule an interview for him. Just something to give me a little hope on that front. Alyssa is graduating from high school on Saturday. And the tears are already starting. I'm not ready for this. I haven't done enough to prepare her for the real world. I haven't done enough to prepare her to live on her own. I'm stressed about paying for the expenses that her scholarships won't cover (but in good news, she received another $1000 scholarship this week). There is so much to do right now, and just not enough time to get it done. Although I am continually blessed with answered prayers, the one prayer that has not been answered is my prayer for more hours in a day, less need for sleep, and more strength and energy to do the things that really, truly must be done ASAP. Oh, and did I mention that I have to speak in church on Sunday? And haven't had a chance to start writing my talk yet? And that I'm also playing the piano for seminary graduation Sunday night, where Alyssa will be singing in a group number? Yeah, I think it will be rather difficult to see the sheet music through the tears. Here's a word of advice -- just leave well enough alone. Maybe "good enough" is just that -- good enough. But on the other hand, there is a huge world of adventure out there just waiting for us...if we can just manage to hold on long enough to get there.

So Much to do in the Next Two Weeks!

It looks like our house will go on the market in about two weeks. SO much to do before then! Thank goodness my dear sister Melissa and her husband Bryan are going to be here to help us out. The project list: -Paint pretty much the entire house -Touch up all trim work through the entire house -Clean (spotless!) the entire house, including scrubbing the baseboards -Have the carpents professionally cleaned -Lay new flooring in the kitchen and laundry room -Order/install new countertops in the kitchen -Ceiling touch-up work (fortunately, it doesn't look like we'll have to scrape and redo the ceilings in some of the rooms like we thought since it looks like the faulty tape work can be fixed without having to redo everything. I hope so!) -Install new doorbell -Weed the flowerbeds and put down pine straw, and more flowers in the front beds -Declutter, dejunk, and pack up much of what is in the house -Fix outdoor wood trim and columns that need to be fixed I'm already exhausted. We may have to have a couple of "work party" days and ask for volunteers, although I really didn't want to have to do that. I don't like asking people to help with things like that, although several people have kindly offered. The realtor vetoed the flooring and countertops we had picked out and made a different suggestion. I like her suggestion, but I'm having a hard time picking out flooring to go with the countertops she recommended. I am not good at all at putting colors/textures/patterns together. I'm going to ask her to come back one more time before we order everything to get her stamp of approval on the things we picked out. I don't want to spend a lot on something that isn't going to look good. As for the selling price of the house, this is one of those moments when I'm kicking myself over our dealings with our builder. He cut two feet off of the house but we didn't fight him for a price reduction. We should have. There are other things we should have fought him on. We won't make as much as I had hoped on the sale of our home, but we're really hoping we won't lose money on it. If the Government ends up having to buy the house it looks like we WILL lose money, so we need to have this house in optimal condition when it goes on the market and priced right. We absolutely can't afford to lose money on this house!!! This is such a stressful process and I constantly find myself questioning my sanity and why we're doing this in the first place. I know this move is the right thing to do -- deep down -- but I find my faith wavering when faced with the prospect of potentially losing money on our home and Mark not having a job in Virginia yet. STRESS...much prayer, and many tears.

Projects for this Weekend....

Now that it looks like our move date is more official (we will leave here on or about July 29 or 30), it is really time to get to work on preparing for this move. The biggest job is getting the house ready to sell. Have I ever mentioned how grateful I am for a husband who is truly a handy man? There are very few home repairs that he cannot do. Evidence: He fixed our broken dryer a couple of weeks ago and he is now waiting on a part to fix our broken washer. He has spent countless hours stripping and preparing our bathroom ceiling to be re-popcorned. He has been working in the yard and on all sorts of other little projects. He stripped and painted the vanity in our master bathroom. We are going to be painting several rooms in the house and he can do that...we are going to put down new flooring in the kitchen and he can do that. It's so nice to be able to save money on those kinds of things! We are meeting with a realtor tomorrow to talk about what we need to do to get the house ready to go on the market. We already know we need to clean, paint, put in a new kitchen floor and countertops, declutter, get as much stuff out of the house as possible, and spruce up the flower beds and things like that. But we want the realtor to give us suggestions on paint colors and any other "quick fixes" we can do (inexpensively) to get the house ready to go on the market. We can't put the house on the market until I have my PCS orders, and that could be the end of next week. We won't have everything done by then, obviously, but we are hoping to at least get a good start. A huge blessing in our lives -- my sister Melissa and her husband Bryan. They're coming here in early June and have promised to spend lots of their time helping us with the house. We are so grateful that they are willing to give up some of their summer vacation time to help us! So the projects for tonight and tomorrow morning are as follows: -Clean the kitchen, clear the counters and top of the stove, and around the computer desk. -Clean the living room, dining room, hallway, and bathrooms, including dusting and vacuuming really well. -Pick up the girls' bedrooms (easier said than done for Alyssa since she's in New York City for a few days! I think I'll just put everything on her floor in a big box and she can deal with it when she gets home.) -Pick up our bedroom. Also on the list for this weekend -- addressing Alyssa's graduation announcements and getting those in the mail. And submitting some job applications online for Alyssa. We have got to find that girl a job! Here's hoping we have a productive weekend!

A New Adventure...A New Beginning for Blogging

In case you haven't heard the news yet, we are moving this summer. Wow...it was a lot harder to type that than I thought it would be. I have accepted a job in the Washington, DC area and so we will be moving. I never in a million years thought we would leave this small town, but Heavenly Father obviously has other things in mind for us. I had put together a list of conditions that I thought were nearly impossible for any job to meet, and this one has met them. We have spent much time in prayer and pondering, have been to the temple, and have fasted about it and we know it's the right decision. That doesn't make it less scary...and, in fact, I'm learning that it can often be scary to do the right thing. But we do have the peace of knowing it is the right decision. No, Mark doesn't have a job yet. That's what I'm praying for right now. That and that our house will sell quickly and not at a loss! I decided I'd better get better about blogging since this will be a great way for our family and friends to keep up with us after the move. So what have we been up to lately? Well, Alyssa is getting ready to graduate from high school. She has received many awards and honors and is her class salutatorian (which means she has to give a speech at graduation). She will be attending BYU this fall (full tuition scholarship!!). Brienna is finishing up 7th grade and has had straight As all year, as well as being captain of the academic team, on the basketball team and soccer team, and pretty much being involved in any school activity she can find. Mark and I continue to work and work and go to the girls' activities. A run down on where we're at on the move so far... I have packed three boxes of books and a box of my sweaters. The girls have packed some of their winter clothes. We painted the shutters and front door and Mark is working on prepping ceilings to be painted. We have SO much to do and it's really incredibly overwhelming. We are meeting with a potential realtor on Saturday and we'll see what she has to say. One thing that has been impressed upon me in this process is to always listen to the Spirit, even in small and seemingly unusual promptings. Especially in small and unusual promptings. Case in point -- about a year ago I felt impressed to start working on updating our home. The impression was to work on one room each month, putting in a little money to redo paint, replace some of the light fixtures in the house, decluttering, and generally just sprucing things up. I had the best intentions...but didn't follow through. The prompting continued to come and yet I didn't follow through. Things are always so busy and there wasn't much time or money for things like that. And so I didn't do it. In January I started a decluttering group on Facebook and I've done a pretty good job at following through on that, and so that has helped. But then when we found out at the end of April that we would be moving this summer, I really, really, really, really began wishing that I had listened to and followed those promptings to work on the house -- decluttering, deep cleaning, and updating. Because, had I followed through on the promptings, we wouldn't be stuck right now trying to do about a year's worth of deep cleaning, updating, and decluttering in just a couple of weeks and on a shoestring budget. *Sigh* Lesson learned the hard way!

The Week in Review...

This past week was a really quiet one. Alyssa is still at GHP (two more weeks) and she's enjoying that. She is taking a computer programming class (Delphi?), math in art, math in sports, and various communicative arts (translation: English or language arts) classes. She's spending time with her friends, meeting new people, and generally having a good time. We're so glad that she has this opportunity, but we definitely miss her!

We started off the week with the 4th of July, which we celebrated by painting Brie's bedroom a lovely shade of robin's egg blue. They also assembled her new dresser. After that we had a cookout at Mom and Dad's house which included Brie and I making homemade blackberry ice cream...the custard kind, from scratch. It was delicious, but it was an awful lot of work for the amount of ice cream it produced. Next time, I think I'll stick with an ice cream mix from the store and add blackberries to it. LOL After it got dark the kids did some small fireworks and sparklers in the front yard. It was nice.

Mark and Brie bought the wood this week for their summer project -- building a new bed for Brie. This should keep them busy for the next few days!

Brie and I had the opportunity to go to the Atlanta Temple yesterday for a youth baptism trip. I was so excited to get to go with the youth, and especially because it was Brie's first temple trip. It was a wonderful experience and I'm so glad I got to be there. She and I did a little shopping on the way home...can't believe school starts in less than a month here! Yikes!

Mom and Dad are out of town right now. They went to Mom's family reunion in Idaho and will be going to a memorial for my Granddad tomorrow. We miss him so much and wish we could have gone to the memorial but it just wasn't possible. *Sigh*

Mark and I are working on our preparations to be group leaders for about 40 youth at a church tri-stake youth conference later this week. I'm excited to be able to be there and be involved in this -- it's going to be a lot of fun and a great experience for the youth.

And in other news...can't wait for the premier of the final Harry Potter movie later this week! We love the Harry Potter books and movies. It's sad that this is the last one...but I'm excited about my plans to take the girls to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter park in Orlando in December. *smile*