Is it Spring Yet?

The weather this week has been interesting.  On Wednesday we were hit by winter storm Saturn which dumped about 5-6 inches of very wet, heavy, slushy snow.  School was cancelled for the day and the federal government shut down, so we were all home together.  I teleworked and sat at our dining table all day where I could watch the snow swirling outside.  For a while in the morning it looked like we might actually get the 8-12 inches originally forecast, but by noon it had turned to rain.  Still, it was pretty while it lasted.  And then yesterday it was in the high 50s and right now it's 57 degrees with a beautiful, perfectly clear blue sky and a breeze.  Such a drastic change in weather!  I do hope spring is on the way...I'm ready for it, in more ways than one.

The last two weeks have felt wintery to me, in more than just the literal sense.  Yes, the weather has (until this weekend) been cold.  But I have also felt wintery in terms of my emotions.  The stress and uncertainty of the current economic has really been getting to me.  As I posted last week, we've had a series of bad things (shall I call them "unfortunately events"?) and the list seems to just be getting longer.  I have been trying so very hard to cling to hope and the promises of peace and comfort I have been given, trying to look for the bright side of things...but I'm having a hard time finding the bright side and I must admit to giving into my fears much more frequently in the last couple of days. 

I need spring, in more than just the physical sense.  My body craves the warm weather, the sunshine, and the feeling of soft green grass beneath my feet, the smell of fresh flowers, and the entire renewal of the earth that occurs during spring. Right now, I feel like my spirit is also yearning for spring...for the opportunity to really let go of the fear and frustration and discouragement and feel renewed, revitalized, and lifted.  It's frustrating to have days where I feel calm and peaceful and encouraged about our prospects, and then days where the world comes crashing down around me again.

We're facing a difficult decision about what to do with Mark's car.  Do we somehow try to find the money to have it fixed, knowing that we can get several more years out of it, or do we try to get financed for a loan to buy an inexpensive used car, knowing that we really don't need a loan payment right now and not knowing the history of the car?  We just know that we can't keep on as a one car family much longer.  Poor Mark is getting worn out getting up so early to drive me to the bus pick-up.  And when Alyssa comes home and gets a job we definitely can't be down to just one car.  It isn't going to work.

Last night our stake had a RS Education Night about missionary work.  I really wasn't feeling very spiritually-minded last night, or even in the mood to be spiritually-minded, but I decided that was precisely the reason I needed to go.  I'm glad I did, because it gave me a reason to get out the notebook I used to take notes during stake conference in January.  Elder Piper said that we act based on hope, and that Satan's plan destroys hope because he wants us to act based on false hope which breeds disappointment, discouragement, and loss of hope, which eventually leads to giving up and not acting at all.  This is happening all around us in the world.  I needed hear that reminder to have hope and not allow Satan to use the trial we are going through to discourage me and keep me from acting in faith.

And last night our stake president, President Hicks, said that we are not the first people in thie history of the world to live in a time of "commotion" in the world.  It helped me to be reminded of that. Perhaps in different periods of time the commotion was of a different nature, but it was there.  And God's faithful people had to struggle and live through it, just as we have to do today.  It helped to be reminded of that.

Life isn't going to be easy.  Our trials will, at times, be incredibly difficult and seem unbearable.  But I keep reminding myself to just keep swimmin.  Just. Keep. Swimming.  One more day, one more step, one more breath.  Somehow things will work out.  They just have to.