Like a summer storm, when it is sunny outside but then starts to rain across the street but not where you're standing? It does that here where I live.
I feel like I'm stuck in the middle of something like that right now...except instead of it raining water, it's raining babies.
Life isn't fair.
A friend told me Sunday that she is pregnant again, with baby #5. Another acquaintance made a comment to me while I was out shopping tonight that makes it look like another acquaintance just got an adoptive placement (why else would she be wondering with baited breath and excitement to hear how their court date went, knowing this couple has waited so long?). A friend at church told me about someone her daughter knows -- someone left a baby on her doorstep and wants them to adopt the baby. Another lady at church is pregnant...all three of the advisors in YW have babies (which I admit is is nice because it gives me and another sister in YW with fertility issues some babies to snuggle and we do love that). A few other friends are also pregnant. There are gestating women all around me. It seems like they're coming out of the woodwork again. Lots of women having babies...Lots of women who aren't me.
And we found out this week that the little boy we were hoping to adopt earlier this summer was adopted by another family two weeks ago. Yes, I know that I hadn't said much, if anything, about the possibility of us adopting here on my blog. I didn't want to say anything until things were looking more firm one way or the other. For various reasons, we were unable to proceed with the process beyond a certain point. And the caseworker made it very clear to us that she didn't plan to recommend that the boy be moved out of the state where he is currently living. Well, he has been adopted. And not by us. So I guess it's pretty definite right now that we won't be adopting him.
I thought I had come to terms with this...again. There are times when I'm fine with it and other times when I definitely am not fine with it. I'm in one of those "definitely not fine with it" modes right now. It hurts, physically. Really -- it does.
I'm sad.
5 comments:
Oh Stephanie! I know it may sound trite but after our boys we tried for over a year to get pregnant, it's not like I hadn't done it before and pretty recently too- but for whatever reason it just wasn't happening, I had a friend who had adopted 4 boys and miraculously became pregnant after 14 years, and she reminded me that basically we are here for the ride, so in my rough spots I would just think, it's like a roller coaster, I can only change what I am in control of, and I am not in control of this, so I just need to do everything I can then hold on. Deep inside I always had a feeling that I wasn't in charge of this part of my life, so I prayed for patience and understanding- and it helped, but what I really wanted was to know what would happen. You'll get through this part, like you have before- and when the time comes you all of this sadness will be swept away in just a moment! Hugs to you!!
I know. (((Hugs)))
I like your new blog template :) Very pretty!
Raining on everyone else...OH GIRL, I know what you mean...after all of our infertility and issues for 17 years and my SIL getting pregnant (out of the blue on their own), and my DH always being deployed..was a LOT to take!
I agree with the other poster...pray for patience, and know that Gods plan will work in His time and in His own way. All you can do is be there when the doors open, I hope it happens soon for you all!
I need to introduce you to my friend Jen that is moving down there next month. You have a lot in common.
Keep us posted, i am thinking of ya!
Huge huge ((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))
call me some night you are home and want to walk!!!! you can vent away.........
(((((hugs)))))
If I could do anything... I would - in a heartbeat....
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